My Dear Angel

My sweet November angel, today is the day of your expected due date, if you had not been taken from us so cruelly.

Unfortunately, nothing in this world is ever fair.

So this is for my first angel - a bit of disjointed free verse that I can't get out of my mind.

Dear angel of my heart,

Today you might have been mine
If life had not been so cruel

I could have showed the world to you
As you would have brought a new one to me

Perhaps if I had done something different
My heart would not break as it does at this moment

Even now there is no rounded belly
Or tiny, perfect hand to ease my pain

What lies behind me is string of failures
And like clockwork they still come

How I wish that I could know you
If only for one perfect moment

Yet life is indeed unfair and unkind
And I am broken by the strain

Today you might have been mine
And how closely I would have held you

I would have memorized your every feature
And never let you leave my side

Yet gone from me you are
Just as the one who followed soon after

So now I sit here with a pain that knows no end
And wonder how much longer it will be

Before I can heal my grief
On this day you would have been mine

Love always,

Your Mom

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I've already said my piece on my LJ, so I shall just link to there for all the thoughts that are exploding with spoilers.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/princessjessia/4013.html#cutid1

ONLY CLICK IF YOU'VE READ HBP OR DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS!

If you just want to read the non-spoiler stuff, use this link:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/princessjessia/
and don't click the "cuts" in the journal entry for July 16.

I think I should sleep soon, it's been a rough day!

(HBP in less than 2) I need to clean!

Yep, that right, 1 day, 21 hours! I'm getting so excited I can't stand it, but I'm keeping busy, so the time is flying past!

Pretty much wrote and read all day today - it stormed most of the day and I just love storms, so I wasn't going to clean while it was going on. If I could take the IPC (that's my nick for the desktop, as the laptop isn't hooked to the DSL) outside, I would have read and wrote out on the porch once the worst of the sideways rain had passed. Perhaps I'll clean tomorrow, this house is beginning to look like the junk sector in the Labyrinth.

Feeling the worries about Sev getting the axe in HBP. I don't know why that continues to haunt me, I guess my mind is thinking - ok we're down a student and an ex-student turned Order member, now it's going to be an ex-student turned Order member who is a prof. Think about the problems it would create for the Order to lose their spy? But then I think, 'no, she has enough professors coming and going, she's needs her spy to keep her story going, there is way too much about him that still needs to be revealed, so my Sev is here to stay.'

So who is a likely "axeable" character? Tons spring to mind, but I know it has to be someone significant - although, I don't know why it would necessarily have to be, Ced wasn't all that significant to the plot other than being there at the same time as Harry. I doubt it's the Golden Trio, and I doubt it would be Dumbledore or McGonagall... I'd like to see Remus come back now that Firenze is teaching in the school, so maybe him? Nah, what point would that serve? You know, it really is pointless to continue to speculate, I'll know in less than two days... still, I worry! :)

Now I'm off to play with some new places I found on LiveJournal - check them out in my Links - PotterPuffs and Movies in 15 Minutes.

(HBP in 4) I'm not lost, I swear!

Wow, has it been FOREVER since I did personal blogging - fanfic blogging does not count... ok, yes it does, for the mere fact all I've been doing lately is writing (and reading) fanfiction.

I will say this - I think fan fiction is my new love. Besides Zane of course! The desire to create stories is almost as addicting as the temptation to READ all that is out there.

Ok, so for those tuned in from PfP, MoA and my other lovely forums - I can't log into About. I don't know why, it is just being such a pain. It keeps shifting me to "guest" status after I log in and I KNOW it isn't the changeover, because it just started doing that this weekend. So if you are reading and wondering what the hell is going on, that's what it is!

So, no BFP and I'm offically in a mood over it. Strangely enough, not as much as I would have thought. It is possibly due to the fact I was pretty sure there would not be any happy announcements. I just wish my body would get in gear this cycle, so I'm not too upset over everything.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I think too much foruming feeds the frenzy *cringes at the the yelling from all my forum friends* Seriously though, after a few days of not foruming all over, I don't even miss most of it. I miss my friends, yes I do, but not the "need" to log in every day and read all the DRAMA. Of course, this is all because I use my computer time with internet (Zane gets this computer at night because it is the only one equipped to run his game) to read. I haven't been to the library in who knows how long, but I don't need to when there is so much online to read. :) Granted, I'm sure some people can't stomach reading about the same characters over and over again in as many forms and situations as can be written, but I do!

However, I do miss you all, not being able to log in - however, I haven't tried since yesterday, maybe I'll give it a go after I post this.

Ok, now for the excitement of my life - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!!!!

Don't laugh, this is a big deal for me and it is healthy to look forward to something. It is good for the soul to learn patience. As of right now (3:10 a.m.) there is 3 days, 20 hours and 50 minutes until HBP. I'm getting so excited, but in a sick to my stomach kind of way because I am so worried about who she will kill off next! *prays it isn't Sev* For those of you who don't know my secret obsession, you should be ashamed. I adore Severus Snape. He is the-guy-I-love-to- hate- but-can't-quite-seem-to-find-the-heart-to-very-often. Now how's that for a title? :)

Don't get me wrong, I love the other characters like Harry and Ron, but I adore Snape. I also love Hermione to pieces, she reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. If one of my future children turns out that way, I would be proud - there are worse things than being a bossy know-it-all, everyone knows that. :) This is possibly why I am a SS/HG 'shipper in fanfiction (if you don't know what that means, but don't like the look of those two sets of intials next to each other, you just SO do not want o know what I am talking about). The fact remains that I love them both and I doubt either of them will get the pink slip of death, but I still worry.

So, to feed my excitement and obsession, this is my plan for Friday. Sleep during the day, haul butt to Wal-Mart to wait like a ravenous dog for them to bring out the pallet of books (that's what they did for OoP, I swear. No fancy display, just two wood pallets with the books stack on them), greedily drool at them until midnight, frantically snatch one as SOON as they cut the shrink wrap, rush to a register and then drive home and stay up all night reading, possibly waking up Zane several time with squals of delight and gasps and screams of horror.

Ok, so say it with me - "Jessi's diehard" It is the truth! For no other books have I gone to these lengths, except the Harry Potter series. I'm not even a "wait in line on opening day" kind of girl for movies, but I would set my tent up to get this book. If you love me, you will just shake your head fondly at my mania!

Ok, so that's it for me, I'm off to beat About.com into submission! Perhaps there will be mania tomorrow!